Hope for the best... and not dwell on the past!

I had a hard time titling this post, it is such an exciting post and news that I've wanted to share for a long time. But I also feel quite vulnerable exposing this news, considering my past. But I have learned that I can't control everything, and maybe I will experience heart break again... I don't know! But I need to be optimistic and hope for the best! Oh and a warning, LONG POST! Lots of this is for family that I have not told all these details too!

Enough beating around the bush, yes... I'm pregnant! I know my last post was maybe a little hint, I feel a little bit more confident announcing things now. I'm due Aug. 8, I am 14.5 weeks pregnant right now. My 2 prior miscarriages in 2009 were at 6 weeks and 15.5 weeks (but I did not find out until 18 weeks with the later.) So you can understand my reservations with holding back the news. At the same time, I majorly popped last week, so despite my best intentions of hiding things... its not quite possible anymore!

I had a doctors appointment this morning and heard the heart beat, it was healthy and what it should be for this stage in the game. He/she gave me a little scare, he/she was being a little stinker and hiding a little. It was a horrible few minutes, brought back some bad memories. My Dr was looking low because that is usually where the baby sits at this moment, but I guess my little spud has already popped up, so once my doctor went up... we found it! Jordan reminded me later that with Avery I always carried high too. That is one reassurance with this pregnancy, it is so much like my pregnancy with Avery. The other 2 I was not as sick, and especially with the late one I just wasn't growing the way I did with Avery. Last week set my mind at ease when I realized at 14 weeks I was significantly bigger than I was with the late miscarriage.

It has been hard keeping such wonderful news to ourselves. That being said we did share the news with immediate family at Christmas. We found out we were expecting at the end of November, I even flat out lied to my Mom when she was hinting at if I got my period or not. Backing up, after the late miscarriage that happened at the end of 2009 I did have to have a D&C, so we took a little break from trying for the first part of 2010 to let my body heal and emotional to be ready to try again. We started trying around May 2010, so month after month of trying was getting exhausting. I know there are lots of you who have gone through the same thing and for even longer so my heart goes out to you. So when I finally took that test an it was positive, I was ecstatic!!! I did a little happy dance for a long time, Jordan just laughed at me. We were both over the moon excited!

Mostly why I lied to my Mom was because I had this idea for a long time of how to tell our families! A week before Christmas (because we were going to BC for Christmas with Jordan's family for Christmas) we had a little get together at my parents with our whole immediate family.

So I made a shirt for Avery that says "This little sweetie is going to be a big sister!!!" I kept a zip up sweater on Avery while we ate dinner, watching her closely hoping she didn't take the hoodie off, or someone else didn't. Taren and Dave were late for dinner, so I had to wait until they got there. Avery finished dinner and finally everyone was sitting down finishing up in the Dining Room. I took Avery in the kitchen and started taking her hoodie off, and then Taren walks in the kitchen to go play with Avery. I looked at Taren and was like "Can you just go back in the Dining Room for a second!?" haha, she looked at me strange and said "ooookay!" So then I told Avery to walk in the room and show Nana her shirt. She walked in and first Jason saw the shirt and read it and then looked up at me surprised. And then Taren saw it and started screaming excitedly, and then my Mom turned around and read the shirt and she jumped up and hugged me and started crying, and then I started crying! And then I look across the table and my Dad figures out whats going on and hes crying (such a softy!) It was amazing, so exciting sharing that news with my family! Paige then saw the shirt and came and jumped up and down with me and Avery. I think Avery thought it was pretty neat that everyone loved her shirt so much! haha, it was a great reaction from everyone!

We told Jordan's family at Christmas, they were so excited too... not as great reaction because it took everyone a while to read the shirt since it got a little ruined in the dryer! Oops! haha.

So many positives about this baby. I always wanted my kids close in age, probably cause that's the way me and my sisters are. Of course I learned that I cant control everything, Avery and this baby will be exactly 3 years apart! If this baby is a girl, great for re-using clothes being that we have tons and they would be the same seasons! I will be so happy with a boy or girl. I love that Avery is such a big girl! I will have 6 months free of diapers before this baby... yay! She completely understands that there is a baby in my tummy, she loved hearing the heart beat at the doctors this morning. She keeps telling us she wants a boy baby, haha! I would ask if a girl baby would be okay... nope! But she has come around to understand a girl baby would be fine too! She is such big help, so great with babies too! Whenever she hears a baby cry at church and looks at me all concerned and says "baby sad Mom!" I love that I've had a rest from the baby thing, and I will be ready to take on the sleepless nights, diaper changes and feedings again! I love that I've had the chance to go back to work, gain some more experience, and get maternity leave again!

Anyways, we are so excited and just hoping for the best! I don't know if I will really believe it until I'm actually in labor! But as you see below it is a hard thing to hide now, I'm HUGE! haha, but I'm grateful for being huge and throwing up, and feeling tired from diclitin!!! Those are all blessings to me!

The Circle of Life

WARNING: Long post!

This has been a very emotional week, but also many blessings have come; such as my family spending so much time together supporting one another and getting even closer. I'm blessed to have a very close extended family that lives mostly in Sherwood Park and Edmonton, and its nice when we come together when tragedies happen.

I feel now that today brought some closure and I can do some blogging about the weeks events. My cousin Brock who I love so dearly as do many more took his life last Saturday, Oct. 17. He has struggled with severe drug addiction and attempted at rehabilitation a few times and had not beat it. He spoke with many family members that morning and was going to come to my parents to help lay sod with the rest of the boys. My dad, his Mom and my aunt had all said he seemed like his normal cheerful self that morning. We believe it was a quick decision as no note was left and he just felt there was no way out.

If anyone knows Brock, they loved him. He was a very charismatic guy and had such a huge heart! My aunt Mari and Brock's brothers Chase and Breton are doing incredible well, they are so strong and amaze me! We spent most of last Saturday at Mari's just being together to strengthening one another and remembering the wonderful guy Brock was. There has been an overwhelming amount of love displayed to our family, and at the 1000 people that filled Bonnie Doon Stake Center today it was evident how loved Brock was.

I in particular remember when I was grade 7 and Brock was in grade 9. He told me if I had any troubles with anyone picking on me to let him know. I later had a loser grade 8er bugging me o the bus, and I told him my cousin was Brock Walker and he immediately stopped bugging me. (Brock was known as a tough guy.) Brock later asked if I'd had any troubles and he was not impressed when I told him about this. Later Brock and his friend Brock this kid down to my class room right before lunch and made him get down on hid knees and say sorry to me in front of my whole class... I was never bugged again. That was Brock, huge heart and would do anything for his family, but tough, haha.

Her is Brocks obituary:
On Saturday, October 17th, our beloved son, brother, nephew, and friend to so many set aside the burdens he carried in this life to cross through to the loving arms of those who had preceded him.
Brock was born February 23, 1983 in Edmonton Alberta. He is survived by his mother, Mari Pizzey, brothers Breton and Chase Walker; his father and stepmother Jim and Sandra Walker and his brother Rheese Walker. His nana; Doreen Pizzey and Grandfather Hank Walker. His girlfriend Marie as well as numerous aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. Brock was a very charismatic and charming man. He had a huge heart, a bigger smile, and a natural love for others. He will be greatly missed by all.

Brock and his brothers Breton and Chase when they were little. They truly were the cutest little boys.

Brock and his brothers in february with there Mom Mari.

The service was so beautiful, my Auntie's Tonya and Tara gave a beautiful eulogy which made you laugh and cry, Brock was such a funny guy. My cousin Kensey and Brocks friend Mitch sang a lovely version of "I Need Thee Every Hour" and my dad gave an amazing talk on the Plan of Salvation and bunch of Brock's friends sang "Our Saviour's Love." The attendance was overwhelming, and it was a great time to remember Brock. I love you Brock, and know you are in a better place with a bright future.

Here are some pictures of the family today, I will explain who everyone is for those of you who don't know my family:

The cousins:

Top Left to Right: Me, Jordan, my sister Paige, my sister Taren and her husband Dave, Breton and Chase Walker (Brock's brothers), Tanner McClung and his wife Krystal (Tanner, my aunt Taras son), my brother Blake and his girlfriend Lindsay, Jesse Lang (his wife in front below)
Bottom Left to Right: My sister Kamry and her husband Jason and there little girl Talia, my cousin Emily, cousin Kensey and Cousin Kristen Lang (the last three all daughters of my aunt Tara.)

The Aunts & Uncles:

Left to Right: My aunt Tonya (my dads sister) holding my aunt Kendas baby Olivia, My Uncle George Lambert married to next my Aunt Tara Lambert (my dads sister), My Nana (my dads Mom) my Aunt Mari (my dads sister), My aunt Kenda (my dads sister) and her husband Liam, and my mom and Dad. Missing my uncle Kevin who had to go home after the service to Red Deer with his wife Pauline and daughter Eppy.

I love all these people so much!

As you see the title of my post, there are some happy things that happened also this week. My only and baby brother Blake got his mission call to Salt Lake City South! He's going to be such a awesome missionary!

Isn't he cute?! He was a little shocked because three boys out of there home ward were just called to Provo, so he thought Utah would have to be out! But hes very excited and heard great things about that mission.

And lastly, I guess I'll make it official on my blog... I'M PREGNANT! Yup, baby #2 on the way. I'm due May. 10, so 11.5 weeks! I wanted to wait till 12 weeks, but it got out some how to people in my ward, don't ask me how!? I haven't narrowed down the leak yet, so I figured I'd rather start telling people myself than hearing from other people.

We are very excited, we actually started trying in June and got pregnant right away, but a couple weeks after we found out we miscarried. I was only 6 weeks and although it was still tough to go through, with great family and being optimistic we got through it. We waited a little bit more after the miscarry, and hadn't quite started trying yet. But some determined little swimmer made its way through and we were surprised to be pregnant again so quick! But very excited and blessed! With the miscarry baby I felt no symptoms, but right away with this baby I started throwing up right a 4 weeks... and I was happy! This baby feels like its here to stay, and its already causing my belly to show! I forgot how early I show! Thank goodness for diclictin or I would feel awful, but as long as I remember to take them I feel pretty much normal. Still have to avoid some smells and food and eat right away in the morning, but feel pretty good! And excited!!!

Well that is my long post, thank you for anyone who showed my family support during this difficult time, it is very much appreciated! Love you!

Love at Home

At church today we had a really good lesson about Love at Home. The teacher had about 6 of us share how we show Love at Home or an experience regarding the topic. I was one of them, and just shared some points of what I think about the topic and how I try and show Love at Home. I was sitting with a friend in my ward Jaima and she suggested I post this on my blog, it hadn't crossed my mind but I thought, hey why not! So thanks for the suggestion Jaima. Here is what I spoke on:


1. Your spouse always comes first. When Jordan and I were engaged, we were speaking with my Nana Pizzey and she said to us to always keep each other first. If we do that then the love and attention needed for our children will follow. But if the relationship between husband and wife suffers, then the family suffers. I had not really thought about it that way, but it makes so much sense. No one should be more important that your spouse, even your children. I have tried to follow my grandparents and my parents in example in that, and have seen that when Jordan comes first, my love for Avery only increases. After my Nana told me this, I thought back to my parents. They certainly followed that advice as well. There was never a question of how much my dad loved us even though he is not an openly affectionate person. But if we ever tried to get my dad on our side when we were in an argument with my mom – forget about it! It usually ended very badly for us, because my Mom came first. And I still see that today. I remember every morning before leaving to work my dad always made sure he came and gave my mom and kiss goodbye and said I love you. Of course when your little that was “gross” but as I grew older you actually look forward to seeing that in the morning. That is now something my husband and I do before he leaves to work, and I look forward in a few years to hearing the “gross” comments by kids to follow, because I know deep down they appreciate seeing love displayed between their parents.

2. Keeping a clean, orderly and inviting home. I believe this is a way to show love, maybe not a way that everyone would think of immediately, but creating a home where the spirit can dwell easily and creating an environment that your husband and children look forward to coming to after a long and sometimes hard day at work and school. I believe that is a way of showing love. My Mom was a great example of this, I looked forward to coming home to a nice organized home and a good supper. I know life is busy now and often with the economy and other things the husband is not the only one working. But one thing I try and do is create a place where the family would want to be at the end of the day. I try and do this by keeping our home tidy and having pictures in the home of Christ and the Temple and other church related material displayed. A place where the spirit can be felt, homework can be done without sorting through the clutter for somewhere to work, dinner can be had with the family, Family Home Evenings can be done, and family memories can be made. No home not matter how costly, is beautiful if it is neat. I believe this shows my family love.

3. And the last thing I’ve learned is the best way to show my family love is by taking care of my own spiritual well being and helping my testimony always grow. I believe the best way parents can teach their children is by example. If our children never see us pray, read our scriptures or live the values of the church, then what incentive do they have to do so? If I’m doing those key things to keep the spirit strong in my life, hopefully my family will do the same. And by teaching by example and demonstrating the importance of the gospel, I believe this is the best love a parent can give. Also by giving positive and loving reinforcement at home for both husbands and children can give them the encouragement and love that they need every day. There is a phrase that is was on my Mom’s apron growing up and it says “If Momma ain’t happy, no one is happy.” I completely agree, the Mother sets the tone for the homes. And when I’m doing my best at prayers, scriptures and living the church standards (which isn’t always, I’m not perfect) I’m most happy which then shows my family love and sets the tone of love in the home.


And stay tuned because we SOLD OUR HOUSE! Yay, and we got a house in the area we wanted, it all happened so fast but we are so happy and feel so blessed that it all worked out so perfectly! I will write about it soon, I just want to have some pictures of the new place first (I just checked MLS and they are already removed.) Taa Taa!

Keep it simple... this is often the best way :)

I just finished this page and wanted to post it before I hit the hay. I like that its clean, fresh and simple! Often I have a hard time creating pages like these (even though I like them) because I feel I need to embellish and make it all fancy. But sometimes that just ruins a page.

This page has no embellishments or accessories, even the flowers at the bottom are a font!

Keeping it simple has been on my mind lately. Reason being, I'm a huge fan of John & Kate. I have watched there show since the very beginning. Well as any of you know (even if you don't watch there show) there is trouble brewing in there marriage. I'm sure there are many reason, but here is my thoughts (I usually don't do this - write my thoughts on TV shows etc. and be all deep - but its really been on my mind!):

- My Nana gave me the best advice before Jordan and I got married "Your spouse if number 1 in life!" No one comes before your spouse, and if this had been happening with these 2, I don't believe there would be problems. Last night they kept talking about how they are in it for the kids - yes, very important. But how about being in it for each other and then taking care of the kids will fall into place.

- Men need an outlet or escape. This is my opinion, which is why they have work! Obviously they are still working hard there, but I just don't think they are made to be at home all day with crazy children. Obviously it works for some, I have a friend in my ward that works and her husband is at home. But I think the average man needs some time away in the day, and then hes refreshed and happy and excited to be home and see his wife and kids. Even if they don't need the money, John probably needs a little break in the day. Obviously women need this too, that's what girls night at the movies or things like that are for!

- There show has gotten so extravagant. Haven't you noticed the more current episodes they are always going to big exciting places. There show in the early seasons used to be a family of 8 living, doing the everyday things such as laundry, or groceries, or buying Christmas presents for each other etc. Obviously they have great sponsors and places inviting them to come enjoy there attractions, but I feel it has been so caught up in the big glamour of the world and taken away from the simplicity of family and home.

- KATE! Am I the only one who feels she has changed so much cause of the show! She kept saying last night how everything she does (the show, books, touring, speaking engagements) is 100% for the kids. So Kate... you are saying you don't enjoy the spotlight and getting your hair and make up done, and dressing nice (she wear heels to get there dogs from the farm for goodness sakes) and the glitz and glam?!?! I don't know if I believe that. Of course the show provides a very nice comfortable living for the family. Her attitude and everything seems to have really changed over the seasons, don't get me wrong, shes a great Mom, but I really feel shes gotten quite wrapped up in this all! (Do you notice how tanned she is?!?! She looks hot, but come on!)

- And most important, they never addressed that maybe... just maybe the show has done this too there marriage. I love there show and watching there family so much! BUT if my husband was not enjoying the spotlight and media I would sell my big fat house and get a nice modest house, and ditch the show. It sounds like John would enjoy getting back to work, and the kids will almost be in school all day, so go back to nursing during the day if need be. I really believe that would make things easier. Keep it simple!!! I did hear that they possible were already under contract for this season and couldn't back out, but even so I don't think Kate would have pulled out anyways.

ALRIGHT! I'm done, I usually don't discuss things other than my family, but its quite sad to see such a sweet family fallen apart cause of this world and publicity. And this is all my opinion, obviously! So don't hate me if I oppose your thoughts. Lets hope it all works out for them!

Overall it made me grateful for my simple, quite, non public life!