Hope for the best... and not dwell on the past!

I had a hard time titling this post, it is such an exciting post and news that I've wanted to share for a long time. But I also feel quite vulnerable exposing this news, considering my past. But I have learned that I can't control everything, and maybe I will experience heart break again... I don't know! But I need to be optimistic and hope for the best! Oh and a warning, LONG POST! Lots of this is for family that I have not told all these details too!

Enough beating around the bush, yes... I'm pregnant! I know my last post was maybe a little hint, I feel a little bit more confident announcing things now. I'm due Aug. 8, I am 14.5 weeks pregnant right now. My 2 prior miscarriages in 2009 were at 6 weeks and 15.5 weeks (but I did not find out until 18 weeks with the later.) So you can understand my reservations with holding back the news. At the same time, I majorly popped last week, so despite my best intentions of hiding things... its not quite possible anymore!

I had a doctors appointment this morning and heard the heart beat, it was healthy and what it should be for this stage in the game. He/she gave me a little scare, he/she was being a little stinker and hiding a little. It was a horrible few minutes, brought back some bad memories. My Dr was looking low because that is usually where the baby sits at this moment, but I guess my little spud has already popped up, so once my doctor went up... we found it! Jordan reminded me later that with Avery I always carried high too. That is one reassurance with this pregnancy, it is so much like my pregnancy with Avery. The other 2 I was not as sick, and especially with the late one I just wasn't growing the way I did with Avery. Last week set my mind at ease when I realized at 14 weeks I was significantly bigger than I was with the late miscarriage.

It has been hard keeping such wonderful news to ourselves. That being said we did share the news with immediate family at Christmas. We found out we were expecting at the end of November, I even flat out lied to my Mom when she was hinting at if I got my period or not. Backing up, after the late miscarriage that happened at the end of 2009 I did have to have a D&C, so we took a little break from trying for the first part of 2010 to let my body heal and emotional to be ready to try again. We started trying around May 2010, so month after month of trying was getting exhausting. I know there are lots of you who have gone through the same thing and for even longer so my heart goes out to you. So when I finally took that test an it was positive, I was ecstatic!!! I did a little happy dance for a long time, Jordan just laughed at me. We were both over the moon excited!

Mostly why I lied to my Mom was because I had this idea for a long time of how to tell our families! A week before Christmas (because we were going to BC for Christmas with Jordan's family for Christmas) we had a little get together at my parents with our whole immediate family.

So I made a shirt for Avery that says "This little sweetie is going to be a big sister!!!" I kept a zip up sweater on Avery while we ate dinner, watching her closely hoping she didn't take the hoodie off, or someone else didn't. Taren and Dave were late for dinner, so I had to wait until they got there. Avery finished dinner and finally everyone was sitting down finishing up in the Dining Room. I took Avery in the kitchen and started taking her hoodie off, and then Taren walks in the kitchen to go play with Avery. I looked at Taren and was like "Can you just go back in the Dining Room for a second!?" haha, she looked at me strange and said "ooookay!" So then I told Avery to walk in the room and show Nana her shirt. She walked in and first Jason saw the shirt and read it and then looked up at me surprised. And then Taren saw it and started screaming excitedly, and then my Mom turned around and read the shirt and she jumped up and hugged me and started crying, and then I started crying! And then I look across the table and my Dad figures out whats going on and hes crying (such a softy!) It was amazing, so exciting sharing that news with my family! Paige then saw the shirt and came and jumped up and down with me and Avery. I think Avery thought it was pretty neat that everyone loved her shirt so much! haha, it was a great reaction from everyone!

We told Jordan's family at Christmas, they were so excited too... not as great reaction because it took everyone a while to read the shirt since it got a little ruined in the dryer! Oops! haha.

So many positives about this baby. I always wanted my kids close in age, probably cause that's the way me and my sisters are. Of course I learned that I cant control everything, Avery and this baby will be exactly 3 years apart! If this baby is a girl, great for re-using clothes being that we have tons and they would be the same seasons! I will be so happy with a boy or girl. I love that Avery is such a big girl! I will have 6 months free of diapers before this baby... yay! She completely understands that there is a baby in my tummy, she loved hearing the heart beat at the doctors this morning. She keeps telling us she wants a boy baby, haha! I would ask if a girl baby would be okay... nope! But she has come around to understand a girl baby would be fine too! She is such big help, so great with babies too! Whenever she hears a baby cry at church and looks at me all concerned and says "baby sad Mom!" I love that I've had a rest from the baby thing, and I will be ready to take on the sleepless nights, diaper changes and feedings again! I love that I've had the chance to go back to work, gain some more experience, and get maternity leave again!

Anyways, we are so excited and just hoping for the best! I don't know if I will really believe it until I'm actually in labor! But as you see below it is a hard thing to hide now, I'm HUGE! haha, but I'm grateful for being huge and throwing up, and feeling tired from diclitin!!! Those are all blessings to me!